September, 2016 – Emotions
By Dr. Bonnie Lyon
Are Your Emotions Running your life?
Feelings are fickle. You can’t depend on them all them. Emotions, that momentarily seem so right at the time, can and do deceive. Ask anyone who ever regretted a tattoo. I’m sure they’ll tell you it felt like a good thing to do at the time!
Feelings ebb and flow like the sea. You can feel strongly one way one day and exactly
the opposite the another. Feelings are an essential part of each of us. However, they’re a starting point when further thoughts and actions are needed. If you are always running on feelings you risk spending your entire life responding inappropriately and being reactionary, two things that prevent you from growing into full emotional maturity.
Many people experience deep emotional wounding while growing up. Little hurts and big ones; the dad who missed your championship game, the bully who stole your confidence, the kid who excluded you from the sleepover; maybe the loss of a relative your favorite pet? Perhaps even major trauma or abuse in your family? Old hurts can re-trigger and be felt again and again when new similar wounds are experienced when you’re an adult. It’s like a bruise that never quite healed being reinjured again and again.
Whenever you’re struggling emotionally, realize that those old wounds are still there. It’s possible you’ve shoved them so far down trying desperately to forget them. However, left untended, they can cause you to shut down, go inside yourself attempting to hide from the possibility of ever being hurt again. Paradoxically, that very act invites new hurt!
How? Because human beings were not made to not hide. Humans thrive on being bound to one another through interaction and deep connections. It only exacerbates childhood wounds when you run our lives on feelings and reactions, keeping everyone around you on eggshells. When you’re disconnected, and isolated within yourself all your deep longings and yearnings get buried alive. There is no one to express them to or share them with
When you hide behind your feelings you’ll usually find other people to blame for how you feel.
You might make up stories in your head about how wrong you are being treated, about how unfair others are to you. You may try to control and manipulate the world around you. As its nearly impossible to control anyone but yourself, this is a recipe for living a life of sheer frustration.
You CAN learn to live beyond your feelings. I can teach you how to get off the emotional roller coaster and learn how to control your feelings so they don’t’ control you. Just give me a call I can help with that. And remember, “Life doesn’t have to be perfect to be wonderful.”